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100 Funny Birthday Wishes for Husband

Funny Birthday Wishes for Husband

In need of Funny Birthday Wishes for your Husband? Celebrating your husband’s birthday is a great opportunity to show him how much you care and appreciate him. What better way to put a smile on his face than with a funny birthday message that will make him laugh?

Humor is a great way to express your love while keeping things lighthearted. Funny birthday wishes will add a touch of silliness and laughter to his special day.

Below are 100 funny and hilarious birthday messages perfect for that special guy in your life. From cute and cheeky to just plain silly, these birthday quotes are sure to make your husband’s day extra special.

Funny Birthday Messages for Husband

1 - Funny Birthday Wishes for Husband

1. Happy birthday to my amazing husband! I know I promised I wouldn’t make jokes about your age…Just kidding! Welcome to the club of old farts.

2. Happy birthday to the finest husband in all the land! Now let’s go eat some cake before your bedtime at 8PM.

3. Wishing my handsome husband a very happy birthday! You don’t look a day over 50. Just kidding, love you anyways.

4. Happy birthday to my wonderful husband! I’m just thankful you married me before you went completely blind.

5. Hope you have a great birthday, dear husband! Just call if you need me to read the menu to you when you go out for dinner.

6. Happy birthday to the world’s most perfect husband! I’m kidding – you snore, forget anniversaries, and hog the blankets, but I love you anyway!

7. Happy birthday to my dear husband. I promise to love you in sickness and in health, through good times and bad, and even when you fart in bed.

8. Happy birthday to my loving husband! I got you this “World’s Best Farter” trophy as a gentle reminder to take Gas-X daily.

9. Wishing my hardworking husband a happy birthday! Maybe this year I’ll actually get you a gift instead of another pack of socks and underwear.

10. Happy birthday, my dear husband! Sorry in advance when I change your diapers and feed you applesauce in your old age. But I’ll always love you!

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11. Happy birthday to the greatest husband ever! Just wait till you see the big surprise party I planned with all your friends! (Not really, but I wanted to see your heart skip a beat).

12. Hey honey, I know you don’t like birthday parties but I invited your mother over anyways for a surprise! Just kidding – happy birthday, babe.

13. Happy birthday, my love! I wanted to get you something to match your maturity but they were all out of dinosaur toys and Depends.

14. Happy birthday to my husband who’s aged like fine wine! Which means you’re very old, very dry, and get better with cheese. Love you!

15. Happy birthday to my amazing hubby! But seriously, we need to increase your life insurance policy before you get any older!

16. Happy birthday to the sweetest husband in the world! I’d bake you a cake, but you’re diabetic and I want you around a little longer!

17. Happy birthday to my dear husband! I can always count on you to bring a fart to a poop fight. I love you anyway!

18. Happy birthday to my ever-supportive husband! Thanks for always laughing at my jokes even when they suck. You’re the best!

19. Happy birthday to the best husband I could ask for! I wish I could give you the world’s supply of Rogaine and Viagra. Love you, baldy!

20. Wishing my handsome hubby a happy birthday! Sadly, I lost the gift receipt for your toupee…so you’re stuck with the Grecian Formula hair dye.

3 - Funny Birthday Wishes for Husband

21. Roses are red, violets are blue, happy birthday my husband, time for a colonoscopy too!

22. Happy birthday to my wonderful husband! I wanted to get you something special, but they were sold out of sexy fireman calendars.

23. Happy birthday to my hubby, the strongest, most virile man I know! Which is why I got you this jumbo value pack of Depends. Love you!

24. Wishing my sweetheart a very happy birthday and many more years of good health so I don’t have to trade you in for a younger model. Yet.

25. Happy birthday to my loving husband! Can’t wait to celebrate with some Advil, antacid tablets, and an early bedtime. We’re gonna party hard.

26. Hope you have the happiest of birthdays, dear husband! I’d bake you a cake, but we need to keep your sugar and cholesterol down.

27. Happy birthday to the man who grows sexier with every passing year! Which explains why you’re now about as attractive as a shriveled raisin. Love you!

28. Happy birthday to my awesome hubby! As your wife, I promise to walk slower so you can keep up with me, old man!

29. Happy birthday to my sweet husband! Here’s a multi-vitamin, some fiber supplement, and a brochure for discreet hearing aids. Love you!

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30. Happy birthday to the world’s hottest husband! Make sure you take your blood pressure meds before all the wild birthday sex I have planned for us tonight!

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31. Happy birthday to the man of my dreams! I love you more than you love yelling at kids to get off our lawn.

32. Hope your birthday is as special as you, my love! Let’s celebrate with a romantic dinner of soft foods that are easy on your dentures.

33. I said I’d love you forever, not until senility set in. Happy birthday to my hilarious husband! Even if you forget mine every year.

34. Happy birthday to the husband who still gives me butterflies after all these years! Now let’s go put your Polident in.

35. Wishing my amazing husband a grand birthday! I wanted to get you something equally awesome, but they don’t make cars big enough to fit your ego!

36. To my dear husband on his birthday, you handsome devil you! Now go take your afternoon nap, grandpa. I’ve got reruns of Matlock saved up for us to watch later!

37. Happy birthday to my darling husband who hasn’t aged a bit! Just kidding, we need stronger reading glasses like yesterday.

38. Happy birthday to my ever-charming husband! Too bad you can’t rely on your looks forever – good thing your sparkling personality will never fade!

39. For your birthday I wanted to get you something to restore your youth, but apparently miracles don’t exist. Luckily my love for you does!

40. Happy birthday to the greatest husband in the whole world! Wait – what did you say? Sorry, I need to turn up my hearing aid.

5 - Funny Birthday Wishes for Husband

41. Happy birthday to my sweet hubby! Enjoy this cake I baked for you! And by baked I mean bought at the store and slapped some frosting on.

42. Wishing a stupendous birthday to my favorite husband! Can’t wait to celebrate by watching reruns of Jeopardy and yelling out the answers.

43. Happy birthday to my loving husband. Thanks for putting up with my endless jokes about your bald spot and snoring. I promise I’ll still love you even when your nagging exceeds your mother’s!

44. Hope you enjoy growing another year older, dear husband! Hopefully, you don’t throw out your back blowing out your birthday candles.

45. Happy birthday, dear one! I tried to think of the perfect gift to express my undying love for you, but they don’t sell magic potions to restore youth and vitality. Yet. So I got you slippers and a robe instead since you’re always cold! Enjoy!

46. Wishing my sweet hubby the happiest of birthdays! I would have baked you a cake, but the fire department said filling the house with candles would violate safety codes.

47. Happy birthday, my love! I know I always tease you about your old age, but that’s just because I enjoy seeing you get all grumpy about it.

48. My darling husband, may your birthday be as radiant as your gorgeous head of hair! Oh wait, better scratch that one. Happy bald day!

49. Happy birthday to my dear hubby! Now that you’ve reached a certain age, please stop buying flashy sports cars. You’ll break a hip getting in and out!

50. Wishing my wonderful husband the best birthday yet! I wanted to greet you this morning by playing your favorite song, but most music these days is just noise to you.

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51. Roses are red, violets are blue, happy birthday my dear husband, here’s some fiber supplement for you!

52. Happy birthday to my ever-spicy hubby! Let’s celebrate with dinner and cholesterol meds tonight. Too bad the doctor says you have to avoid Viagra now. But I’ll always think you’re sexy no matter what!

53. Hope your birthday is as delightful as you, my dear hubster! Let’s ring it in with some naptime and reading glasses. Just try not to fall asleep with them on again!

54. Happy birthday to my loving teddy bear! Celebrating another year older only makes you cuddlier. Now enough talking – it’s bedtime.

55. Wishing my dear husband a stupendous birthday! Can’t wait to pamper you today with some thick, grippy socks so you stop slipping on the floors, an extra comfy pillow for your sciatica, and audiobooks so you can still “read” when your eyes get tired! You’re the best!

56. Happy birthday to the sweetest husband alive! I wanted to get you a nice bottle of wine for your big day, but didn’t want to mix alcohol with your medications. So here’s a lovely bottle of prune juice instead!

57. Hope your birthday is as delightful as you are, my twinkly-eyed honey bear! Let’s ring it in with dinner at 4PM and bingo night later! Just don’t fall asleep with your bingo blotter on your lap again.

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58. Happy birthday, dear husband, and welcome to the Golden Years! Let’s celebrate with some Centrum Silver vitamins, compression socks, and a rousing game of checkers!

59. To my beloved on his birthday – may your day be filled with romance, laughter and birthday punches to equal your age! Better start icing up that shoulder now!

60. Roses are red, violets are blue, I know we’re getting older, and so are you. But that doesn’t matter, because you’ll always be sexy and sweet. Happy birthday to my darling husband – let’s go take our joint supplement gummies together!

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61. Wishing the happiest of birthdays to my Mr. Right! After all these years together, I know you like the back of my hand. And thanks to age spots, that hand is looking pretty old, too! Love you to wrinkles and back!

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62. Happy birthday, dear husband! Thanks for always supporting me even when I had wild ideas – like the time I said we should get matching mobility scooters. And for only rolling your eyes a little when I said we should get his and hers life alert systems!

63. To my loving husband on his birthday, thank you for reminding me about my doctor’s appointments and making sure I take my pills on time. I may tease you about your hearing and memory loss, but the truth is we’re growing old together pretty gracefully I’d say! Here’s to many more years of laughing at each other’s creaky joints!

64. Happy birthday to the world’s most perfect husband! I could never ask for better, even if you do turn down your hearing aids sometimes when I’m talking to you. Here’s to growing old together gracefully!

65. Happy birthday to my amazing hubby! I wanted to bake you a cake, but I forgot to take my gingko biloba supplements and couldn’t remember the recipe. So I got you a nice bundt cake from the store – it’s the thought that counts!

66. Hope you have the happiest birthday ever, my handsome honey! Let’s celebrate by streaming some of our favorite old movies and TV shows later – I’ll make sure the close captioning is turned on big and bold for you. I love you!

67. Wishing my dear husband the most special of birthdays! I know the perfect gift for you – an elegant pair of Velcro sneakers so you don’t have to bend down to tie your shoes anymore. And really swanky reading glasses with a bejeweled chain so they don’t slip down your nose when you look down! You’re going to look so stylish!

68. Happy birthday to the world’s sweetest husband! I’ll always love you, even when your idea of “whispering sweet nothings” becomes yelling sweet nothings because of your hearing loss!

69. To the best husband ever on his big day – hope you’re ready to party like the wild and crazy guy I know! I’m taking you out for an early bird dinner at 4PM and then we’ll walk around the block before your bedtime at 8. Happy birthday, my love! Let’s rock and roll!

70. Happy birthday to my wonderful husband! I wanted to surprise you and get that flashy red convertible you’ve always wanted…Then I remembered you probably shouldn’t be driving anymore. Maybe next year!

8 - Funny Birthday Wishes for Husband

71. Wishing my darling hubby a very happy birthday! I know you say 60 is the new 40, but just in case, I updated your life insurance policy and got you some spiffy dark funeral suits! But no need to worry about that now. Let’s celebrate!

72. Happy birthday, my sweet smooshie! You’ll always be a hottie to me, even with your hairy ears and nose. Just let me know whenever you need help trimming up those pesky ear and nose hairs! Love you!

73. Hope your birthday is spectacular, my love! Let’s celebrate your big day with some black licorice, fiber bars, and a rousing evening of lawn bowling! Don’t party too hard!

74. Happy birthday wishes to my wonderful hubby, the most charming and delightful man on earth! I wanted to say you haven’t aged a bit, but we’d both know I was lying. Luckily I love you even more with every new wrinkle!

75. Wishing my handsome hubby a grand birthday! Just think about how many more candles you can fit on your cake now that you’re bald! I love you to the moon and back – now let’s go take your pills and vitamins!

76. Happy birthday, my perpetually perfect partner! Let’s celebrate with your favorite – early bird dinner, pills at 6 PM, some reading with the book light I got you, and lights out by 9. Party animal!

77. To my darling on his birthday, thank you for loving me in all my wrinkly, saggy glory! And for pretending not to notice when I re-wear the same outfit three days in a row. You’re the best!

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78. Happy birthday, my sweetheart! They say love is blind, but you’ve loved me faithfully even as your eyesight deteriorates year after year. Here’s to growing old – um – more mature together!

79. Wishing my sexy silver fox of a husband the happiest of birthdays! Let’s celebrate with werther’s originals, a Matlock marathon, and high fiber pancakes in the morning!

80. Happy birthday to the world’s greatest husband! I’m so glad I get to irritate you and your trick knee for another year! Here’s to many more laughs together you old coot!

9 - Funny Birthday Wishes for Husband

81. To the hottest grandpa I know on his birthday – you may need reading glasses to see the cake, but I’ll still be here to describe it in vivid detail for you, darling! Let’s rock in our rocking chairs together tonight!

82. Happy birthday to the most wonderful husband a woman could ask for! Thanks for going on all those early bird dinner specials with me. And for pretending you don’t hear me the first 10 times I call your name from the other room!

83. Wishing my adorable hubby a stupendous birthday! Let’s celebrate by going to bed by 8 PM and taking our blood pressure together in the morning! #couplegoals

84. Happy birthday to the man who grows more distinguished with every passing year! That’s just a classy way of saying you’re old AF but I still love you!

85. To my sweet baboo on his birthday, let’s have a rockin’ day of prune juice cocktails, erosion control orthotic shoes, and bingo! Just try not to doze off and drool on your bingo blotter again!

86. Happy birthday to the world’s most loving husband! Can’t wait to celebrate with Werther’s Originals, laxatives, and a rousing evening of Antiques Roadshow! You wild thing, you.

87. Wishing my adorable hubster the happiest of birthdays! Let’s celebrate with some yummy fiber bars, a romantic round of golf from the senior tees, and matching Ben-Gay rubdowns tonight!

88. To my darling husband on his birthday, you’ll always be the most handsome, charming prince in all the land even as your hairline recedes faster than the tide. Let’s greet another year of laughter together, my love!

89. Happy birthday, my sexy old geezer! I’m so glad we’re aging disgracefully together. Now enough talk – it’s 4 PM and time for dinner and bed!

90. Birthday wishes to the sweetest grandpa I know! Let’s rock in our rocking chairs extra hard tonight to celebrate! Just be home before Wheel of Fortune comes on. Love you!

10 - Funny Birthday Wishes for Husband

91. Happy birthday to my husband who just keeps getting better with age! Like a fine wine that’s turned to vinegar. I kid! You know I treasure every moment with you, my love.

92. To the man who’s still sexy as ever even with his paunchy dad bod – happy birthday, my darling! Let’s toast to you with some Metamucil and Tucks medicated pads tonight!

93. Wishing my charming prince the happiest of birthdays! Thanks for embracing the aging process gracefully and never getting hair plugs or a sporty car to compensate. You’re perfect just the way you are!

94. Happy birthday to my amazing silver fox! Let’s celebrate with Werther’s Originals, Compeed blister pads for your sore feet, and a rousing game of gin rummy before bedtime!

95. Wishing my favorite old fogey a stupendous birthday! Get ready to party hardy by joining your AARP chapter and signing up for the senior center newsletter! Just try not to throw out your back breakdancing.

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96. Happy birthday, my daring geriatric! Let’s make this your most exciting year yet by living life to the fullest with daily walks, more fiber, and thrilling games of checkers! You wild rebel, you!

97. To the sweetest old coot I know, may your birthday be as radiant as your gleaming bald head! Let’s rock our dentures out tonight and show these young whippersnappers how it’s done!

98. Happy birthday to the greatest grandpa ever! Let’s celebrate with Werther’s Originals, teeth whitening strips to brighten those dentures, and a crazy night filled with not decaf coffee after 4 PM! Don’t overdo it!

99. Wishing my handsome hubby the best birthday yet! There will be no grab bars or Life Alert systems for you, my dear! Just punch and cake. And maybe a mid day nap so we can stay up past 7 PM. Party animal!

100. Happy birthday to the most loving, most patient husband in the world! Thanks for tolerating my attempts at cooking now that I keep forgetting recipes. And for still loving me even though I tell the same stories 10 times a day. You’re my rock and I couldn’t imagine growing old with anyone else. Let’s enjoy some cake and prune juice!

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